If These Walls Could Talk
by Lil' Eowyn
Summary: The sixth year of Hogwarts and Draco is tormented by his abusive father seeking support in the unlikely Harry. WARNING: explore's dark themes and can be somewaht explicit. HARRY X DRACO
1. Numb

**If These Walls Could Talk**

**By Lil' Eowyn**

-**Chapter One-**

**-Numb-**

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless_

_Lost under the surface_

_I don't know what you're expecting of me_

_Put under the pressure_

_Of walking in your shoes_

_caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow_

_Every step I take is another mistake to you_

_I've become so numb_

_I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired_

_So much more aware_

_I'm becoming this_

_All I want to do_

Is be more like me 

_And less like you..._

**- Draco's POV -**

Silence.

I could hear nothing, which was unusual, as there's either music blaring or my father yelling. I guess I should take advantage of this newfound gift. But instead I feel sick in the stomach. My house is never silent. Never. Questions and worries flooded my head. What if he's done something to Narcissa? What if he's gone too far? What if he's finally sold me over to the Dark Lord?

It all started at the end of last year. Last year hell, in my house, was founded...

Last year Voldemort was sighted by the ministry and once again famous Harry Potter saved the day, losing his godfather in the process. Last year my father told me I was to join the Death Eaters. I was scared, nervous and very much so against it. Last year I saw a new side of Potter, a side I never thought I'd ever see. Last year my father was placed under arrest. It almost destroyed Narcissa. She cried every night, for weeks on end, until my father finally returned. Last year my father began to beat me. Narcissa said it was because of the stress he was under. But I knew he hated me, loathed everything about me. I didn't need three guesses. I knew he hated me because I refused to be a death eater. Last year my father began to beat Narcissa too. And there was just no reason behind that, only spite. Narcissa loved me, as her only son she would. My father hated that and by the end of the year Narcissa and I were living in fear.

For weeks my house, my once humble home, became a screaming match. There were never times of peace and utter quiet, even in my dreams. My father was either yelling or cursing loudly, my mother was either crying or if she felt brave enough she'd yell back and I, I would just hide away in my room playing my music as loud as I could, I was desperate to block out the truth.

But now, a week before school starts again, my house is quiet and peaceful. I don't know what the time is I don't even know how long I've trapped myself in this room. I've kept my thick, black curtains closed at all times. Darkness has consumed me. I wondered if my father was still home, I wanted to know how Narcissa was coping. But fear kept me glued in my position, fear kept me trapped.

I rolled onto my side, wincing slightly at the pain and let myself go. Tears rolled slowly down my cheek and came to rest on my pillow. I couldn't take it anymore. All the yelling. All the crying. All the pain. I just wanted to die. Using the little strength I had I hauled myself to my feet and sat on the wooden chair next to the window. I pulled the curtains back slightly and peered outside. It was dark and there was a full moon in the sky. I heaved a sigh of relief. My father would be on night watch. I was safe.

Tears flowed again. Just thinking about him made me want to plunge a knife inside of me. I felt trapped. I felt as if I'd lost control of my life and I wanted the control back. It would be the only way to keep sane. I tilted my head back and my eyes fell upon the photo on the wall. It was my father and I just after I received my letter from Hogwarts. I had felt so happy at the time.

Anger surged through my body and I jumped to my feet and lunged across the room. I seized the frame off the wall and threw it across the room. I could hear the glass smash and I began to breathe heavily. Not wanting to cause Narcissa any more stress I walked over to the broken frame kneeled in front of it. The glass gleamed up at me and the picture shone mockingly. I felt angrier and emotionally charged. I needed to get it out of my system.

My eyes rested on a long piece of glass, shining above the photo. I picked it up and with tears streaming down my face I made my way back to the wooden chair. I just wanted to be free again. Just wanted to remember how to breathe again. I just wanted to be in control again. Gripping the glass in my right hand I rested it atop my left forearm and sliced it across. I felt a sense of relief as the deep red blood seeped through my cut flesh. I watched it trickle along my arm and I closed my eyes. I was finally in control again.

I wiped the blood away leaving a red raw gash on my arm, a symbol of my freedom. I closed my curtains shut tight and sauntered back to my black-sheeted bed. I wasn't going to give up. As long as I relieved the pain I could stay in control. To me, that's all that mattered.

My heavy eyes began to close and I let out a desperate yawn. Tiredness swept across my body but at the same time I felt aware of my surroundings. Narcissa was crying in the room down the hall. Part of me wanted to comfort her, but another part wanted to give her space that she rightfully deserved after another day of pain and suffering. I rolled onto my back and stared at the pitch-black ceiling. I just had block it all out; I had to become numb to it all.

The next morning things were back to normal. My father was screaming at Narcissa and Narcissa was crying. I shut my eyes and tried to block it all out. But nothing could block out the sound of my father beating Narcissa. I clenched my fists and kicked my feet off the side of the bed and padded over to the door. I griped hold of the doorknob, afraid to open it. My father was still yelling and Narcissa was crying even harder then before. I stared down at my left wrist; the gash was still there, red and raw. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I walked as quietly as I could to the end of the hallway; where the stairs were. I griped the banister and peered down. I could see shadows on the kitchen door. From the shadows I could see my father slap Narcissa viciously across her face. I walked down he stairs slowly and quietly, desperate for my father not to hear. But I could hear them. Their voices drowned my senses and overwhelmed my ears.

"Just stop it Lucius, stop it and leave us alone, please."

For that my mother was punched. I watched as he gripped the back off her head.

"I love you Narcissa and because of that I hate myself. I hate it because if I didn't care about you and what you love I would have killed Draco by now. You're holding me back and I have to eliminate that!"

He yanked her hair and turned on his heel and walked back to the kitchen table. Narcissa was still crouched in the corner of the kitchen, her hair was all over her tear stained face and her hands hurriedly wiped away the tears. I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. Narcissa looked fearful and tears formed in her eyes again. My father's lip curled and he sat down to his breakfast.

Narcissa shakily got to her feet and got down the things for my breakfast. She gave me a desperate look and I sat down opposite my father. He didn't bat an eyelid so I began to scoff down my breakfast. I rested my spoon down nervously and looked up at my father. He stared back and gripped the knife in his hand. I stood up slowly and walked over to the sink and placed my breakfast things in.

It happened in a flash. I picked up an envelope, addressed to my father, Narcissa was shoved to the ground and my father put me in a headlock. A knife was clasped tightly in his hand and somewhere in the distance I would hear my mother screaming "no" and then pain ripped across my stomach. The knife fell to the floor, red blood graffitied on it. My father kicked me to the floor and scooped up the envelope and turned to face me.

"Touch my things again and the next cut won't be so shallow"

Glaring at me, he apparated out of the room and Narcissa whimpered and got to her feet shakily.

"Narcissa?" I called anxiously and she rushed to my side.

"Are you ok?" She asked pulling my shirt up to inspect the cut.

My father was telling the truth, it was fairy shallow. My mother flicked her wand and bandages began to wrap themselves around my stomach. I winced as they finished and my mother planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked scanning her up and down.

"I'll live"

"What will you do when I go back to school?"

"Don't worry about me. The sooner you get back to school the better, he can't touch you if you're not here"

I stared at her. She was scared. I could see it in her eyes. She knew that one day he would go over the edge and go too far. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Whatever happens... I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too"

I released my arms and clambered to my feet. Narcissa stared at me and I smiled weakly. Her eyes fell on my left wrist and they lingered there for a moment or two. Her eyes began to swim with tears again and I walked out the room and back upstairs to my room.

He would go too far. When I'm back at school, he'll go over the edge and seriously hurt Narcissa. I slumped down in the wooden chair again.

I bet Potter never had to put up with something like this. He doesn't even have a father to hurt him anyway, he has no one. Right now his life seems so much better then mine and I find myself craving to be an orphan.

I felt angry- angry at Potter for having an easy life, angry at Narcissa for loving me; if she didn't he wouldn't hurt her; I was angry at my father for doing all this and most of all I was angry at myself for not making an effort to change anything.

I stared at the piece of glass resting on the windowsill. I grabbed and lost in a trance like state I slashed across my wrist once. I didn't feel as relieved as I did last night so I slashed across again. I let the glass fall to the floor. Blood was seeping through my flesh and I smiled weakly, I felt a sense of relief. I was in control again and nothing could break this.

I walked over to my bed and flopped down. My eyes slowly began to close and I curled up into a ball. I felt as if nothing could get to me now. I felt numb.

_... Can't you see you're smothering me_

_Holding too tightly_

_Afraid to loose control_

_Cause everything that you thought I would be_

_Has fallen apart right in front of you_

_caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow_

_every step that I take is another mistake to you_

_caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow_

_And every second I waste is more than I can take_

_I've become so numb_

_I can't feel you there_

_Become so tired_

_So much more aware_

I'm becoming this 

_All I want to do_

_Is be more like me_

_And less like you..._

**a/n:** HURRAH for I found it again… only not all of it so I just have to re-write the end but YAY. this is going to be a Harry x Draco and I'm aiming for a slashy one too. So if that'll offend you don't read it. It's that simple I take no responsibility; it's your choice to read it. But for those who like Harry x Draco stories please r / r. Come on you know you want to.

**disclaimer:** Rightio. I own nothing and I mean absolutely nothing Harry Potter related, they all belong to J.K.Rowling. The song verses at the beginning and end belongs to Linkin Park's song "Numb".

**Until next time**

**L.E**


	2. A Cut Above the Rest

**-Chapter Two-**

**-A Cut Above The Rest-**

_Hurt me to see the pain_

_Across my mother's face_

_Every time my father's fist_

_Would put her in her place_

_Hearing all the yelling_

_I would cry up in my room_

_Hoping it would be over soon_

_Bruises fade father,_

_But the pain remains the same_

_And I still remember_

_How you kept me so afraid_

_Strength is my mother_

_For all the love she gave_

_Every morning that I wake_

_I look back at yesterday_

_And I'm OK.._

**- Draco's POV -**

Whirlwinds of colour and endless chatter. Hogwarts was but a few more hours away and already I was wishing the year to be over. Thoughts of Narcissa, alone at home, flooded my mind and I turned slightly to hide the tears forming silently in my eyes. I was surrounded by the people who claim to care, claim to always be there. I wanted to laugh in their faces. So much for that. If they were always going to be there, they would have answered my pleas, saved me from misery. But no. They sent back letters saying the same annoying little message: It's ok Draco, you're probably just imagining things, don't worry about it. Well my imagination must have swallowed me whole, my imagination must have planted bruises all over my body and my imagination must have slashed across my wrists. Some imagination I have.

Along the train Potter and his trusty sidekicks were probably going on and on about their great holidays, they're happy pain-free holidays. None of them had to pull their sleeves down to hide their symbols of pain. None of them had to hide away in their room. None of them had to watch shadows on the walls, shadows of their mothers being beaten by their fathers. I did. And they know nothing.

I stared out the window at the darkened surroundings and tried to recall my last encounter with Narcissa...

"I'll come home in the Christmas holidays, I promise." I said holding Narcissa tightly in my arms.

"It'll be easier if you didn't... Please don't." She replied stroking my head softly. "Send me an owl the moment you arrive"

"I will." I said breaking free. Narcissa had tears in her eyes so I looked away. Hogwarts students were swarming round saying their goodbyes. I turned back to my mother and gave her a serious and stern look. "Send me an owl if anything happens. And I mean anything Narcissa. If he goes over the edge I swear I'll be on the next train home."

"I'll be fine." She replied making an effort to smile.

"Promise me."

"Fine. I promise I'll send you an owl if anything happens."

I smiled at her and hugged her tightly. I slipped some galleons into her pocket and she gave me a quizzical look.

"Go have a great day, Narcissa. Buy yourself something new. You deserve it."

Narcissa began to cry and we said our final goodbyes. I made my way over to the scarlet train and stopped at a compartment door. Harry and the Weasley's' were saying their goodbyes. Arthur Weasley wrapped his arm around Harry as if he were his father. Potter seemed to have it all. But he didn't seem happy. His hair was messier then usual and his clothes were all out of place. I heaved a sigh and hopped into the compartment, hauling my trunk behind me. I sat alone for while but just before the train began to move my so-called friends filled the space around me. The train began to move and I could see my mother smiling and waving more the first and last time in three months.

"Draco?"

I snapped my head around and looked at Pansy Parkinson.

She was standing in front of me. Her hair was down and wavy and her top button was undone. I didn't bat an eyelid.

"Yes Pansy." I replied quietly.

She sat on my lap and wrapped one arm around my shoulder. With her free hand she stroked my chest.

"How are you?" She asked, casually and calm.

How was I? I was angry. I was frustrated. I was hurting. I felt like throwing myself off the train. That's how I was.

"I'm fine." I replied and forced a smile.

It bothered me that Pansy thought that she had a chance with me. She threw herself all over me at every given opportunity. Sure she was my partner for the Yule Ball. Sure she's been in my tight net of friends. But that doesn't make her my type.

"Are you sure? You seem real quiet." She said and gave me a sad, pathetic puppy dog look. I wanted to throw up all over her face. Somehow I think even if I did she'd still be all over me.

"I've just got a lot on my mind." I replied sternly.

"You wanna talk about it?" She asked trying to be serious.

"No. I just need some space." I said and pushed her off me.

She gave me a looked mixed with a glare and curiosity. I stood up and walked hurriedly out of the compartment. I set off down the crowded hall and reached the toilets. I opened the door to the male and stared inside. It was confined. I need space. I pulled open the door to the disabled toilet and stepped in. **(a/n do they have disabled toilets on the Hogwarts train? Oh well they do now)** I sat down and began to breathe heavily. I haven't even made it to school and already I can't take it. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small switchblade and flipped the blade out. I pushed up my sleeves, slowly, and stared down at my wrists. My left arm had five deep cuts and my right arm had three. I took a deep breath, tears rolling down my cheeks, and slashed across my right wrist. The deep red blood began to pour down my wrist and I knew there was no stopping it. The blood began to fall on the floor around me and I couldn't stop the tears leaving my eyes.

Suddenly the door opened and I froze, blood all over my arm and the floor around me. A tall boy with unruly black hair froze and stared at me.

"Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here. The door wasn't locked." He said and started to turn around.

I heaved I sigh of relief and he stopped and turned as though he realised what he'd just seen. He stared me, just sitting there holding a knife and blood leaving my body.

"Shit, Malfoy." He said and closed the door hastily behind him. "Are you ok?"

I was still crying and everything became a daze. I couldn't believe it. Harry potter had locked himself in a disabled toilet with me and was now kneeling in front of me, wrapping my arm with toilet paper.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked and he looked at me blankly.

"What would you rather. Sit here alone and die or have me help you?" He demanded looking into my eyes.

"I won't die." I replied looking down at my wrapped wrist.

"You've lost a lot of blood." He said inspecting my wrist and the floor.

"I always do"

"You do this a lot?"

"Only when I can't take it anymore... Wait why am I telling you this?"

"Because you have no one else to talk to. And whether I hate you or not I'm going to listen and try to help."

I stared into his eyes. He had such beautiful green eyes. I wanted to let myself fall into them, be swallowed whole.

"What's going on Draco?"

I looked at him tears dancing in my eyes.

"Could you handle it?"

"I won't tell anyone. I've been through my far share of things, Malfoy, I think I can handle it."

"Well... You know how last year my father was put in Azkaban?"

"Yeah"

"Well when he came back I refused to join the Death Eaters-"

"You refused?"

"Yes, Potter, I refused. Anyway. As you can imagine my father didn't take that to well. He disowned me as his son, called me a disgrace to the family. He began to beat me. Narcissa said it was because of stress but Harry I knew he hated me because I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. He began to beat Narcissa too. He had no reason for that, just because she stuck up for me and loved me. Every morning I'd wake up to the sound of my mother being beaten. I'd watch the shadows on the wall. It all became too much and I felt like I'd lost control of my life... So I began to, you know..."

I stuck out my arms and Harry's eyes stared at them. He seemed to be in shock. I bet he always thought I had a perfect life. I'd like to see that happen.

"I had no idea"

"No one does. I mean I sent letters to my friends but they just said I was probably imagining things."

"I'm so sorry Malfoy... Does it hurt?"

"Does what hurt?"

He nodded at my wrists.

"No. I don't feel a thing."

"They look painful."

"I know but, I mean I feel it sometimes. But other times I feel nothing."

"Jesus…"

"How come you're not with your trusty little sidekicks? I bet they're wondering where you are."

"My friends?"

"Yeah, them."

"They keep going on about their perfect little lives. I mean they know that I have no one- really- and yet they go on about their happy little families. It makes me feel so sick."

"I know how you feel, Potter. I get that with my friends too."

"At least you have a family."

I looked at him carefully. Tears were forming in his eyes.

"Think about it, Potter. At least you don't have a dad that beats you."

"I don't even have a dad."

"Good Point."

"I mean. It just gets to me sometimes. I never even got to know them. Sirius was all I had, he was like a father to me and now that he's gone I just don't know what to do with myself. It hurts so much just being alive."

I stared at him and tears rolled down his cheek. He wiped them away hurriedly and clambered to his feet.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go, like you said my trusty little sidekicks are probably wondering where I am."

"Thanks"

"For what?"

"Listening."

"You're welcome and thanks too. I needed to tell someone that. Even though I shouldn't have told you."

"Hey, look at it this way. You know something about me- something I don't want anyone to know- and I know something about you- something you don't want anyone to know."

"How does that help?"

"Well I'm not going to tell anyone am I? Because then you could tell everyone what I told you."

He smiled and I smirked.

"I should go. We should be at Hogwarts in about an hour. Are you gonna be ok?"

"I'll be fine, I should go too."

"Promise me you won't do this anymore."

"I can't do that."

He held out his hand.

"What?"

"Give me your knife."

"Why?"

"I want to help you."

I stared at him for a while and finally handed it over.

"Thank you. If you ever need to talk, I mean if things become to tough come and find me. I'm serious Malfoy and I don't care what people think."

"I will. Thanks again. I need someone right now."

"Well I'll be here."

I got to my feet quickly and smashed into Harry. He caught me in his arms and our eyes locked. His hands were shakily holding me close and I gazed deeply into his emerald eyes. I let myself fall and I became lost within. Harry leaned in and I closed my eyes. I felt his lips brush across mine and I opened my eyes. He looked at me and my hands travelled up his back and rested around his neck. I pulled him in and caught his lips in a bruising kiss. I let my tongue massage his and he massaged mine.

After what seemed like a lifetime he pulled apart and stared at me.

"I'm sorry Draco... I can't do this."

He turned quickly and rushed out the toilet. I let myself fall to the ground. I stared at the door and found myself wishing for him to come back.

But I was alone.

I clambered to my feet and pushed open the door and headed back to the compartment. I slid open the door and everyone still remained talking. Pansy, however, jumped to her feet.

"Where have you been? You've been gone for an hour and a half. We're ten minutes away from Hogwarts." She hissed and I walked past her and opened my trunk.

I pulled out my robes and quickly changed. Pansy was right. No sooner had I sat down had we stopped. I hopped off the train and stared down the busy platform. I saw Harry and Ron standing by Hermione and Ginny Weasley. Harry caught my eyes and they lingered there a moment or two. I looked away and then looked back hoping to see my black haired angel staring back at me...

_... I often wonder why I carry all this guilt_

_When it's you that helped me_

_Put up all these walls I built_

_Shadows stir at night_

_Through a crack in the door_

_Echoes of a broken child_

_Screaming please no more_

_Daddy don't you understand_

_The damage you have done_

_For you it's just a memory_

_But for me it still lives on_

_Bruises fade father,_

_But the pain remains the same_

_And I still remember_

_How you kept me so, so afraid_

_Strength is my mother_

_For all the love she gave_

_Every morning that I wake_

_I look back at yesterday_

_And I'm OK..._

**disclaimer:** Here we go again. Everything and anything Harry Potter related in this story belongs to the author- J.K. Rowling thank God for her!!! Without her there'd be no Harry x Draco :( ... The song verse at the beginning and end belong to Christina Aguilera's song "I'm Ok".

**Until next time**

L.E 


	3. Frozen

**-Chapter Three-**

**-Frozen-**

_I'm Coming Down with a Heartache tonight_

_Only you can make it alright_

_If I can't be with you holding you tight_

_There won't be no more in your life_

_Everywhere I turn_

_I see your face_

_Reminding me of a higher place_

_Every time you smile_

_Angels cry_

_Every time you walk on by_

_I'm not the only_

_Feeling Lonely_

_Every time you walk on by_

_I try to say something_

_But end up with nothing_

_Every time you walk on by_

_(Every time you walk on by)_

Draco's POV 

Neglect and betrayal. Avoidance and annoyance. Feelings flutter like lost dreams and I find myself trapped in a world of insecurity. Ok scrap that bit. Not everyone is insecure. I mean I know I am, I'm insecure about the cuts along my arm and because of that I linger in the frozen shadows, the darkness of the intolerable world. But the one thing I can't bear the most is when he passes me by. My stares are always following him, stalking his every move. It's the only joy of this place. Just to see him smile makes my heart grow strong. You see I love Harry Potter like Romeo loved Juliet. My whole life depends on his every day existence and as he fades I'm fading too. I'm haunted by the kiss we shared some weeks ago. And yet I can still feel his warm lips atop of mine.

Ever since we arrived Harry has done nothing but avoid me, acting like I'm not there. And it hurts, oh god it really does hurt. I've never loved anyone this much before, ok I've never loved anyone at all, and to see him walk on by like he doesn't even know me- well it tears me up inside. I just feel like if we were trapped in room, alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs- he wouldn't even bat an eyelid. And because of this feeling dwelling inside I can't resist the temptation anyone more... I need to be truthful to myself, I need to let my angel know I care.

The third Monday morning breakfast dawned and I sat down amongst my usual peers and I remained there in silence, touching nothing but pumpkin juice. I felt weird, out of place, like everyone's chatter was crashing around me like the waves crashed in the ocean. I stared at Harry atop my goblet and became lost; yet again after another countless night of promising I would forget about him.

Forgetting love is impossible.

When my father brought darkness to my home I thought I'd never be truly happy again, I thought I'd never find anything good in this world. But all of that went out the door when I kissed Harry. Ushering my apologies to my beloved friends I got up and headed of to fetch Evenstar, my faithful eagle-owl.

I hastily pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill and began to form my letters into a more cursive writing then usual. I wrote my recipients name and attached the letter to Evenstar. I stopped and stared at fellow owls surrounding me. No other student had an owl like mine so I decided to send the letter with a large brown owl that belonged to the school. I headed back to the Great Hall to watch with amazement at the reaction of Harry Potter as he opened his morning mail.

I took my place between Crabbe and Goyale and once again began to watch Harry atop my goblet. Then the owls came down to deliver the mail they had been carrying. I watched as a large brown owl dropped a letter in front of a bewildered Harry Potter. That filthy mudblood Hermione Granger and her weasel of a boyfriend Ron Weasley quickly opened the letter and all three of them leaned in and read the mysterious letter gripped in Ron's hands.

I quickly busied myself and, much to my disgust began to eat the food in front of me. I could feel his eyes on me, pinpricking their way into my skin. I shifted uncomfortably in my spot but I never let myself slip up, not now not ever. My fellow Slytherin's rose up from their seats and I followed suit as though I was one of them- just a happy carefree teenager.

Instead of following the Slytherins to our first class I ducked into the nearest toilets and barricaded myself in a cubical. I missed Narcissa and could only fear the worst. I sent her a letter a week ago and still had no reply. I could only hope that my father hadn't got to it before her, because if he did Narcissa would surley be dead. I reached into my pocket and felt for my knife. It wasn't there. I craved for it, if only Harry hadn't taken it. I need it back and I will get it back... tonight. Tonight I would make Harry confess the truth to me, tonight I will be free again. I pushed my sleeves up and stared down at the scars along my arm. A single tear rolled down my cheek and came to rest on my wrist. I shook my head hurriedly and unlocked the door and rushed to the basin and began to wash my face. I pushed open the door and headed of to my first class of the week, the first class of watching Harry again.

Potions was pointless, a simple waste of my time. I stared at the back of Harry's head the whole lesson and had to endure the whispers of Hermione and Ron.

"You are not alone? I'm confused Harry, you are not alone..."

For once the filthy little know-it-all didn't know-it-all. A smile flickered upon my lips; my cryptic had outsmarted the mudblood. But Harry will understand, Harry will find out all he needs to know tonight.

It was ten minutes past midnight. He was late. I never really expected him to come. I rose to me feet, turned around and came face to face with Harry Potter.

"You came". I said smiling slightly.

"I knew it was you". He said throwing a cloak down.

"Is that why you came?" I asked stepping closer to him.

"I came to tie up loose ends". He said the smile ran from my lips.

Harry walked over to the window and stared out at the starry night. He turned and pulled out the letter he received this morning.

"Dearest Harry, you are not alone. Meet in the highest place at Hogwarts tonight at midnight. Signed Anonymous". He read and stared at me. "You are not alone? What do you mean?"

"If you're with me. You're not alone". I replied walking towards him and staring at him closely.

We were now standing inches apart and somehow beyond both our knowledge's our hands had lapsed on to each other. Harry stared down and pulled his hand away.

"I can't do this". He said and began to leave.

"Please". I began and he stopped and turned. "Please give me chance to explain."

"Alright. You can explain". He replied and walked back to me. "But don't waste my time."

"From the moment I met you not a minute as gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again- I'm in agony. The closer I get to you..." I began and stepped closer to him but he moved back and I sighed. "The worse it gets and the thought of not being with you... I can't breathe! I'm haunted by the kiss we shouldn't have shared. My heart is beating hoping that the kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul tormenting me. What can I do? Believe me I'll do anything."

He stared into my eyes as though he was searching for the truth. But I was telling the truth and I stepped closer and continued to speak.

"If you are suffering as much as I am please tell me."

"I can't... We can't it's just not possible."

"Anything is possible, Harry just listen to me-"

"No you listen! We live in a real world come back to it. You're a Slytherin and I'm a Griffindor. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion it will take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of the way we feel about each other."

"Then you do feel something!"

"I will not let you jeopardise your reputation for me!"

"You are asking me to be rational and that is something I know I cannot do. Believe me I wish I could just wish away my feelings... but I can't..."

"Draco I will not give into this!"

"It wouldn't have to be that way... We could keep it a secret."

"We'd be living a lie one that we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. Could you, Draco, could you live like this?"

"At least I'd try. I don't deny my feelings at least I accept them and embrace them... you... you just hide them away. Why can't we be together?"

"I don't trust myself with you!"

"Why not? For fucksake Harry I love you!"

On my impulse I lunged forward and caught his lips in a bruising kiss that took us away from the world we live in. I became lost and I was sure Harry was lost to. My hand reached into his pocket and took the knife that rested there. Still kissing him I slipped the knife back into my pocket and we finally broke apart.

"What are we doing?" Harry began. "We can't do this what if our friends found out could you imagine what would happen?"

"Shut up and kiss me". I demanded and I pulled him in for another kiss that lasted longer then any of the other kissed we've shared until at last we pulled apart.

"I'm sorry... I can't do this." Harry said and I rested my fingers on his lips.

"I become lost when you kiss me Harry."

"I've been lost a long time, Draco. But when you kiss me I'm found. I just… I don't know…."

A smile spread across my lips and I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly. He seemed hesitant but finally loosened up and hugged me back. He loved me.

"We won't ever loose this Harry, I promise we will belong to each other forever."

I sighed and Harry looked down at me.

"You seem troubled Malfoy. What's wrong?"

"I just worry that people will discover us and word will reach my father and he'll have me killed... Literally."

"Oh the tables have turned, Draco Malfoy is afraid of the outcome... well don't worry Draco I won't let anything happen to us if he wants to kill you he'll have to kill me first."

I suddenly felt safe and I looked up and kissed Harry. I started to pull away but his hands gripped the back of my head and he began to kiss me long and fervently. I felt his hands run down my back and tug at my robes. Still kissing we slowly undressed and slid down to the floor...

**disclaimer:** Yup we're all tired of this but it'd got to be done otherwise I'll get sued or something like that... Anything and Everything belongs to the beautifully talented J.K Rowling. The song verse at the beginning is an unreleased song called "Walk on By" and it's by Britney Spears. Well I think it's unreleased I mean it's on none of her albums. Meh. Also there is a passage in this chapter from star wars episode two attack of the clones. I just liked the sound of it.

**Until next time**

**L.E**


	4. Toxic

**-Chapter Four-**

**-Toxic-**

_Baby can't you see, I'm calling_

_A guy like you should wear a warning_

_You're dangerous, I'm falling_

_There's no escape, I can't wait_

_I need a hit baby and give me it_

_You're dangerous- I'm loving it_

_Too high can't come down_

_Loosing my head spinning round and round_

_Can you feel me now?_

_With the taste of your lips_

_I'm on a ride_

_Your toxic I'm slipping under_

_With a taste of a poison paradise_

_I'm addicted to you_

_Don't you know that you're toxic_

_And I love what you do_

_But you know that you're toxic..._

Harry's POV 

I'm intoxicated with his love, wrapped up in his love, enraptured with his love, obsessed with his love, addicted to his love. He's the very blood pumping through my veins. He's everything I've ever hated, but at the same time everything I've ever wanted. He's toxic. But that doesn't stop me loving him. The blonde hair, the cold silver eyes, the strong arms and the warm tender kiss. He puts the smile on my face in the morning and makes the groans escape in the evening. He's my shadow, my angel, my soul. One kiss from him and everything's alright again. Life would be destroyed without him.

"Harry!"

I opened my eyes hazily to see a red haired boy peering down at me.

"Go away." I said lazily and rolled onto my side.

"Harry you have to get up, we have potions this morning and you know Snape doesn't like us being late. And besides I'm hungry." Ron said hurriedly and began pulling me by my legs.

"Alright, alright I'm getting up." I moaned and kicked my legs over the side of the bed and padded over to my trunk.

Ron, who was already dressed, sat cross-legged at the end of my bed and watched my every move.

"Have you heard of privacy Ron?" I demanded and Ron looked at me puzzled. "Do you mind."

"Oh. Sorry Harry." He said quickly and walked over and flopped down on his own bed, with his back towards me.

I dressed quickly and my stomach churned, I was starving. Sighing heavily I bent down and began placing books, parchment and my quill into my bag. Ron turned round at me and began to stare at me closely.

"Why don't you just take a picture Ron." I snapped and he cracked up laughing. "Ron, I seriously don't see how this is funny you've done nothing but stare at this morning. What gives."

"I'm not allowed to say anything till we see Hermione." He replied and walked over to the door. "Coming?"

"Might as well. I just can't wait to see what's up with you guys." I replied sarcastically and followed him out the door and down the stairs to the Common Room.

Hermione was perched in a chair close to the fire and suddenly snapped her book shut, smirking at me.

"Ok now that we've seen Hermione can you please tell me what's going on?" I demanded, crossing my arms.

"It's no big deal, well maybe to Ron... Ron would make a big deal if a matchbox fell." Hermione teased and Ron flushed red.

"I would not." He snapped and they locked eyes for a second before cracking up laughing.

"Sorry Harry but we just wanted to know who sent you the letter." Hermione explained and I rolled my eyes.

"You and me both." I replied and Hermione and Ron raised their eyebrows.

"Sure, sure Harry. I saw you leave to meet them last night." Ron replied casting a nervous glance at Hermione who was biting her lip.

"No you didn't I was wearing my invisibility cloak." I replied and no sooner had the words left my mouth had I realised what I'd said.

Ron didn't see me leave, he didn't even know I left the room. He tricked me into admitting it. I can be so stupid sometimes. Just like last night. I let myself get so wrapped up in what was happening I didn't let myself realise that Draco had taken his knife back. I felt a pang of guilt. I knew that if I saw new cuts on Draco's arms it would be my fault as I was so stupid to basically give him his knife back. I shook my head and let myself come back to what Hermione and Ron were saying.

"I knew it! Come on Harry tell us who it was!" Hermione squealed.

"I bet it was Cho. I reckon she finally realised what a bitch she is and wanted to feel loved again." Ron said nodding.

"RON!" Hermione snapped.

"I was just saying..." He replied letting his voice trail off.

"It wasn't Cho. It wasn't anybody." I lied.

"What! Harry come on tell us, we're your friends you can tell us." Hermione said looking slightly hurt.

"No seriously it wasn't anyone. I got there at midnight and waited round till half past twelve and left. No one turned up." I replied, lying through my bare teeth. "I reckon it was joke. But I guess it backfired on them as they wouldn't have been able to see if I turned up or not, I never took my invisibility cloak off."

"Oh... I'm sorry Harry." Ron said and Hermione nodded.

"Yeah it was the last thing you needed right now. You know with Voldemort back and Sirius gone-" Hermione said sympathetically.

"SHUT UP." I snapped angrily.

Honestly after a whole summer without talking to them about it you'd think they would have learnt not to mention him. But no. They always find a way to mention his name. Even at the funeral service...

It was a peaceful service. Only the members of the Order came, plus me, Ron and Hermione. I didn't let them see me cry. I waited till they had gone back to the car. And there I stood alone, next to his grave, crying. I don't know where the tears came from but I never could remember the last time I had cried as hard. I eventually headed back to the car waiting for me. It was silent all the way back to the headquarters and then they mentioned his name.

"Sirius would have liked the speech you gave Harry."

"Sirius was such a great man."

"Sirius always thought of you as the son he never had."

SHUT UP. Is what I wanted to scream, but the words never left my mouth. Instead I just pushed them away, I just blocked them out. But I'm tried of pushing, I'm tired of blocking. I never want to hear them say his name again.

"I'm sorry Harry." Hermione whispered and Ron wrapped his arm around her waist. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Well you did." I snapped and she nodded. We stared at each for what seemed like an eternity before Ron finally spoke out.

"Maybe we should go to breakfast."

I nodded and headed for the door.

"Harry." Hermione said and I turned. "I really am sorry, I should have known you didn't want to talk about. I'm really sorry."

"It's not that I don't want to talk about. I just can't. Not now, not ever." I replied and smiled at her, she smiled back and we all headed down to breakfast.

I hate potions. I absolutely hate it. No matter what I do Snape always finds a way to put me down for it. Well fuck him. I've had enough. I think it shocked both him and I that I received and Excellent for potions. So once again I had to face him for another year of cursing and name calling. Fun, not. Though I do have Hermione and she has promised me another year of "note sharing". By that I mean another year of Hermione giving me the notes she took in class for me to copy down. You gotta love her for that.

But there's another reason why I hate potions. I hate sitting in front of Draco and his friends knowing that any second he's gonna throw an insult at Ron and Hermione and I won't be able to bring myself to say something back to him. So I make this promise to you, God, and it's from me to you: Please let me go through this whole lesson without Draco saying anything to us, do this and I swear I'll face my biggest fear, I swear I'll face Voldemort again.

The bell rings and we all stand up. My stomach churns, Draco hasn't said a single word to us. My deal worked. Hermione, Ron and I headed out to the corridor and Hermione babbled on about the lesson.

"Can you believe it we're doing the Polyjuice Potion. Well that shouldn't be too hard for us now should it?" She whispered winking at me.

"Yeah, we might actually pass the assignment he sets." Ron said smiling and Hermione stopped.

"We have a ten minute break right?"

"Yeah, so?" I said looking at her carefully.

"I should go send an owl to my parents." She replied.

"To tell them about Potions?" I mocked and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"No, to see how they're doing. You know with Voldemort being back and all." She replied, turned round and smashed into Draco.

My stomach began doing somersaults.

"Worried are you, Granger?" He spat and Crabbe and Goyale laughed stupidly.

"Not that it's any of your business but yes Malfoy, I am." Hermione hissed and folded her arms across her chest.

"You should be, we all know how much Voldemort hates Muggles... and mudblood's too." Draco said smirking. "So if I were I wouldn't waste your time on sending them a letter. They're probably already dead."

Ron lunged at Draco and Hermione grabbed the back off his robes.

I stood there staring from Hermione to Draco then back to Hermione again.

"You scum... you filth... why I outta..." Ron said breathing heavily.

"You outta what? I tell you what Ron, you outta be a mudblood, that why Voldemort can kill you too." Draco hissed and walked off laughing. He let his left arm fall and I caught a glance at the new cut on his wrist.

He didn't mean it, I told myself, he's feeling like shit and just needed to have a go at someone... he didn't mean to say the things he said.

I looked at Ron and Hermione. They were talking quickly to one another and Ron was trying to calm a distraught Hermione down. Ron looked at me and narrowed his eyes.

"What the fuck is with you?" He demanded and I bit my lip.

"What are you talking about?" I replied and Ron walked towards me.

"Malfoy was saying fucking awful shit to Hermione and I and you just stood there like a stunned mullet."

"I'm sorry. But I didn't want to make things worse."

Ron shook his head.

"Calm down Ron, I'm sure Draco didn't mean know what he was talking about. He was just trying to stir trouble. Calm down." Hermione whispered and kissed him lightly. Ron smiled at Hermione.

"One day he's gonna get it, one day when he's not looking someone's gonna shove him out the fucking window." Ron hissed.

"Come one lets go send the letter to my parents." Hermione said and they began heading up the stairs.

"I'll meet you in transfiguration. I need to go to the library." I said and ran past them leaving them dumbfounded and curious.

I rushed up the stairs and ran into the nearest toilets. I dropped my bag, locked the door and dropped down on all fours. I recognised Draco's shoes in the cubical next to the opposite wall and rushed towards it. I double-checked that the rest of the cubicles were empty before I banged on the door.

"Draco open this fucking door right now" I demanded and he slowly flipped the lock.

He stared at me, tears in his eyes and the knife; he stole back from me, clutched in his right hand.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered and I pulled him out the cubical and shoved him up against the wall.

"Do you want to hurt me? Do you want to force fights between Hermione, Ron and I? Huh, do you?" I demanded and he dropped the knife.

"I'm sorry, Harry... I'm so sorry." He whispered and I let go of him.

"No you're not."

"I am, I seriously am. I'm sorry for taking the knife back, I'm sorry for hurting you and I'm sorry for saying what I said... I'm actually sorry Harry 'cause it hurt you and I knew it would. For that I'm sorry."

I looked at him closely and folded my arms.

"Why'd you say it? Why'd you say the things you said?" I demanded and Draco sighed.

"I was feeling like shit, I had just received a letter back from Narcissa saying that the reason she couldn't answer my letter any sooner was because my father had fucking locked her in the basement because I sent her a fucking letter. So basically, Harry, my mother was locked away for a week because I stupidly sent her a letter. And I guess when I heard Hermione talking about her parents I snapped. I mean I just wanted to hurt her in everyway possible. I wanted take what I was feeling and put it inside of her. I didn't want to be the only person to cry today. I'm sorry."

"So am I. I mean when you said it I was like 'fucking hell' what am I supposed to do? I can't stand up for you 'cause Hermione and Ron would hate my guts, but then again I couldn't say anything to you 'cause I knew it would fuck you up even more. I didn't know what to do. And then when you were leaving I saw the cut on your wrist and I knew something was wrong. But when I saw you I just wanted to hit you 'cause you did hurt me with what you said."

Draco stared at the ground and then back up at me. I grabbed his left arm and pushed the sleeve back. The cut was still there gleaming in the light. I wanted to cry.

"Why?"

"The letter. I just felt so angry Harry. I was losing everything again... But I don't know."

"You need to talk to someone , Draco."

"What do you think I'm doing?"

"No. I mean with someone who knows how deal with this better then I'm dealing with this."

"What do you mean?"

"Every night, since the incident on the train, when I go to sleep I dream about standing next your grave. It's raining and your father is standing opposite me. His arm is wrapped around your mother and she's sobbing. Hermione and Ron are beside me and suddenly I find myself crying. Somehow I knew it was always going to happen. I blamed myself. I wanted to throw myself inside your coffin and never come out. Then it's all over and your father smiles, he's proud of himself. Proud that he drove you to do it. He and I know you did it but everyone else thinks you were murdered. I didn't know how much I really loved you until you were gone."

"What are you saying?"

"Draco. I'm saying that I don't want to live that. I don't want to stand next to your grave. I don't want to see your mother cry for you. I don't want to see that smile on your fathers face. I don't ever want to feel that empty without you. 'Cause Draco. I would feel that emptiness without you."

"I'm sorry."

"Why'd you take the knife? Did you seduce me so you can cut again? Did you use me?"

"No! I would never use. I don't know why I did it. I guess I did it because I just wanted that sense of freedom again and when I kissed you my hand rested on top of it and I just seized the opportunity to have freedom..."

I nodded and lapsed my hand on top of his and leaned in and kissed him. I could feel him breathing, it was like we were the same person- but we were just two people breathing together.

The bell rang.

We pulled apart and Draco looked at me.

"I love you, I always have and somehow I think I knew it all along."

"I love you too, Draco... You fulfil me."

"In many ways."

I stifled a laugh and let go of his hand.

"Same time tomorrow night?"

"I'll be there waiting for you..."

I planted a kiss on his check and headed for the door, picking up my bag and wand in the process.

"Oh Harry." I heard Draco call.

"Yes." I replied.

"I was just wondering what did you say to Ron and Hermione when they asked why you didn't defend them?" Draco said picking up his bag and things.

"I told them I didn't want to make things worse... What did you expect me to say 'I'm sorry guys but because I'm currently fucking the guy and because I'm in love with him I don't want to hurt his feelings so I just kept my mouth shut'." I replied laughing slightly.

"Yeah, something to that accord." Draco answered.

I let out a laugh, unlocked the door and opened it slowly.

"Goodbye Harry..." He said mockingly.

I walked out and shut the door behind me and lent against it.

"Goodbye Draco..." I whispered.

**Disclaimer:** Once again I write to all of you that J.K Rowling owns everything and anything Harry Potter related. The song verse at the beginning was "Toxic" by Britney Spears. That's Right another Britney song but I swear it won't be a triple outcome. A new song, a new artist for the next chapter. If anyone has any song suggestions please let me know...

**Until next time**

L.E 


	5. Taking Over Me

**-Chapter Five-**

**-Taking Over Me-**

_You don't remember me_

_But I remember you_

_I lie awake and try so hard_

_Not to think of you_

_But who can decide what they dream?_

_And dream I do..._

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything_

_Just to find you_

_I have to be with you_

_To live, to breathe_

_You're taking over me..._

**Draco's POV:**

I've hit rock bottom. My dear mother, dear Narcissa you'd be ashamed to see me like this. I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore. But still... Life goes on. Mine may be hanging by a single thread but it still goes on. It's been two months since Harry cornered me in the toilets. I don't regret anything about it. I still have hatred for his "friends" and I will never hide that, not even from Harry. I know he loves me and nothing absolutely nothing could stop that now...

"Oh Draco..."

I lifted my head casually to the sound of Pansy Parkinson's sickly sweet voice and rolled my eyes.

"Yes Pansy." I replied shutting my book feeling slightly annoyed. It was late and I would be leaving to meet Harry any minute now.

"Could you do me a big favour?" She asked coming towards me.

"Depends." I said watching her come even closer.

"Depends on what?" She asked and stopped in front of me and straddled herself around my thighs.

"Depends on whether I feel like doing it or not." I replied getting slightly agitated.

"Aw come on Draco you know you want to help me." She said, once again in her sickly sweet voice, and began stroking my chest in a sexual playful way. "I'd make it worth your while."

"What do you want?" I demanded and pushed her hands of my chest.

"Well, my father's having this Christmas function party thing in the Christmas holidays, obviously. He said I have to bring a date and you're the only one I feel remotely close to..." She began smiling slightly. "As a friend."

I stared at her closely. And I looked around the room until I noticed the clock. I had five minuted till I had to meet Harry.

"Tell you what, Pansy. If you promise never to come on to me again and don't make this worth my while I'll come." I replied smirking and a broad grin spread across her lips.

"You got yourself a deal, Draco." She replied and swiftly pecked me on the cheek and headed of to the stairs leading to the girl's dormitories. "By the way... Thanks."

"Don't mention it." I replied and watch her disappear up the stairs. I waited minute before I headed off to meet Harry.

Along the way I just kept thinking about Narcissa. I wondered if she was ok, if she was safe and happy. I wondered if my father had stopped beating her, I doubt it. For I know she could be locked away again. If that's the case then I don't what to do. I've been slipping off the rails a bit lately. I'm filled with worry mainly. I worry about Narcissa, I worry about Harry, I worry that people will discover what we get up to late at night, I worry that people will notice my scars and most importantly I worry that if I try to kill myself I will be found and put in St. Mungo's.

Ever since I got my knife back I've been hacking at my wrists like it's a daily routine and I'd die if I didn't. My arms are sore and filled with scars but I know I can't stop; I've slipped in too deep.

I clambered up the narrow staircase and stopped halfway up. I could hear Harry whistling slightly and I closed my eyes. He was so beautiful in everyway. He never lets anything get him down. He's wondrous. He always pulls through everything. He's smart. He has all the answers to my question. He's an angel. Sent to me to make me happy again.

I took the rest of the steps three at a time and stood on the landing gazing at Harry as he spun around. His beautiful emerald green eyes sparkled in the soft light and his hair was even messier then usual. But I have no complaints it was only going to get messier. He rushed at me and I caught him in my arms. He kissed me softly and pulled back gazing into my eyes.

"Do you love me? Or is this just a sex thing we have." He asked watching me closely.

"Are you fucking crazy, Harry? Has a screw dropped from your head? I love you more then anything. You hold me together and without you I'd fall." I replied and pulled him closer.

I wrapped my arms around his back and planted a soft and soothing kiss upon his lips. I opened my mouth and let my tongue massage his and for what seemed like an eternity we stood there kissing each other and rubbing our hands all over each other. Harry began to unbutton my shirt and did the same to him. We ceased kissing and frantically undressed each other. I quickly went round the room and put out all the torches while Harry pulled out a blanket and a pillow and lay down waiting for me.

I put out the last torch and made me way over to Harry. It wasn't completely dark- we still had the light cascading down from the moon. I could hear Harry breathing deeply now, and I rested my hand on his chest. His heart was beating rapidly. I hushed him and stroked his hair softly. He urged me to hurry but I was in the mood to take things slowly. I began to run my hands up and down his body, while Harry shuddered slightly, until I finally stopped and rested my hands upon his thighs. Harry shuddered again as pushed her legs apart. I gazed into his eyes and once again he begged me to hurry. I leaned forward and kissed him softly on his lips and finally gave him what he had been begging for. I got into my position and began. It was slow at first; I wanted to bring him as little pain as possible. But as we moved together things became hotter and heavier. We began moving faster now and I fastened my hands along his hips using them to quicken myself. Harry reached his hands around my neck and pulled me in kissing me fervently. I felt his tongue massaging against mine and I began to move quicker then I'd ever moved before. Harry ceased kissing me and let out a groan and leaned up closer to me, so that we were in a seated position, and I wrapped my arms around his back continuing to move quickly. Harry let out another groan and rolled himself over so that he was now on top of me. I felt some sweat beginning to form on my forehead and chest but I didn't care. It was Harry's turn.

He thrusted inside me and, unlike me, he began fast and strong. It was his style. I repeated exactly what he did and once again he were moving, quickly, as one massaging each others tongues at the same time I felt an explosion erupt inside of me and I let out a groan and tightened my grip on his back. I felt Harry thrust himself harder into me and I let out another groan. Each thrust was more pleasurable then the last. Until finally was all over.

We lay next to each panting like crazy and Harry rolled over and draped his arm across my stomach. He kissed me softly on my chest and worked his way up to my lips and I let him massage my tongue once again. He stopped and rested his head upon my chest and listened to my heavy heart beat rapidly. And there we lay, in silence and completely naked, for a whole five minutes until at last Harry spoke up.

"That... Was the best sex I've had in my life."

"I'm glad you liked it." I replied and kissed him softly on his forehead.

"It was even better cus I was doing it with you." He replied and gave me goofy smile.

"Well there's plenty more where that came from". I replied and rolled over on top of him and began spreading his legs apart.

"No... Please... No more tonight... Or I'm just going to die." Harry begged and I stopped pushing his legs.

"Even if you did die I'd keep on fucking you." I replied smirking.

"That's just disgusting Draco. Come on. Seriously. Not now." He begged and I smirked.

"Well... The least you can do is let me please you..." I suggested and Harry gave me a hesitant look.

But he was too late my mouth was already in place and I had already begun. After a few minutes Harry gripped the back of my head tightly and began to moan and groan. I kept on going until at last he pushed my head away.

"I think I'm pleased enough." He said panting slightly.

"You tasted pleased." I replied smirking and Harry cocked an eyebrow.

"Now cut that dirty talk out. Or I'll have to punish you." He teased and we cracked up laughing.

"It's like a scene from a gay porno movie." I laughed and Harry grinned.

I looked at him for a moment and suddenly had a flashback of me with Pansy Parkinson draped over my arm dragging me over to meet her parents. I shuddered and looked away.

"What's up, Draco?" Harry asked and straddled himself over my thighs.

"Pansy asked me to be her date at her fathers Christmas function, party thing." I replied and Harry raised his eyes brows slightly. "But I won't go if you don't want me to go."

He seemed hesitant. I think he didn't want to be seen as controlling but at the same time he didn't want Pansy Parkinson to have me all to herself for a night.

"Are you going as friends?" He asked and I smiled.

"Strictly friends and I'll have to make sure I'm back here the next day. After all I'll have sex-craved boyfriend waiting for me." I replied running my fingers up and down his back.

"I'm sure Pansy would understand..." Harry said letting his voice trail off slightly.

"But..." I pressed and Harry bit his lip.

"But you know Pansy. She like worships the ground you walk on. What if something happens?" Harry asked giving me a quizzical look.

"Nothing will happen, I swear. I love and value you too much to do anything that would hurt you." I reassured him and he smiled.

"In that case... You can go..." He said and started laughing. "God I sound just like an over-protective mother.

"You sure do." I laughed. Harry continued to laugh and stopped as his eyes rested upon my wrist. "It's nothing Harry."

"Nothing! Draco I swear there must be like twenty new cuts there. Some look a bit old but the rest look new. I thought we were doing ok. You seemed a lot happier lately. You smiled a lot more. What's going on Draco?" He demanded and I glared at him.

"It's nothing, ok!" I snapped and he grabbed my wrist and peered down at it.

"Nothing?! It sure as hell doesn't look like nothing. Come on Draco I thought you said you were going to get some help... I'm really worried about you!" He said and I saw tears forming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. But I couldn't help it. I'm not all right. I haven't been all right for a while now. Every night I go to sleep and think up some plan where I can kill myself. But when I see you I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm sorry." I replied and few tears spilled down his cheek.

"I didn't know things were that bad. You should have told me. I don't know... Given me some kind of sign. Cus now I'm terrified that one morning I'll wake up and find out that you're dead. I don't want that to happen. I couldn't bare it if that happened. I need you hear with me because if you're not then I'm nothing." He said and wiped away his tears. I felt tears forming in my eyes and I needed to end this conversation.

"I'm sorry Harry... I really am. I'll try. I'm gonna need you but I will try." I lied and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"I'll always be here for you, Draco. Through thick and thin just call my name and I'll be there." Harry assured me and kissed me softly on my lips.

We sat there holding each other and I rested my chin on his shoulder.

"I love you Draco..." Harry whispered and I smiled, outside and on the inside.

"I love you too Harry..." I replied and tightened my hold on him.

He loves me. And I love him. Nothing can break us now. As long as we stay together and love each then nothing can tear us apart...

He's my dark haired angel...

... And I'm his star-crossed lover...

_Have you forgotten_

_All I know_

_And all we had?_

_You saw me mourning_

_My love for you_

_And touched my hand_

_I knew you loved me then_

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything_

_Just to find you_

_I have to be with you_

_To live to breathe_

_You're taking over me_

_I look in the mirror_

_And see your face_

_If I look deep enough_

_So many things_

_Inside that are_

_Just like you are_

_Taking over._

**disclaimer:** J.k Rowling owns everything and I mean everything Harry Potter related. Sadly I own none of it. The song verses at the beginning and at the end belong to a song called "Taking Over Me" by Evanescence. They are a totally wicked band and I love them.

**Until next time**

L.E 


	6. Unfaithful Love

**-Chapter Six-**

**-Unfaithful Love-**

_I was naïve your love was like candy_

_Artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping_

_Got caught in your bed_

_And I learned how to bleed_

_I was prey in your bed and devoured completely_

_And it hurts my soul_

_Cause I can't let go_

_All these walls are cavin' in_

_I can't stop my sufferin'_

_I hate to show that I've lost control_

_Cause I keep going right back to the one thing_

_That I need..._

_... to walk away from..._

Draco's POV 

Red. Green. Red. Green. Coincidence... I think not. It's bloody Christmas already and I'm stuck being all chummy to Pansy's family while she drapes herself across my arm refusing to let go. I fucking hate this Christmas. Her family reminds me of how my family used to be. A small gathering on Christmas Eve and a huge party Christmas Day. But once everyone's gone it's just us three and we sit down and swap presents, a real family treat. I hated doing that but now I'd kill to just have a letter from my father wishing me a merry Christmas. Instead I get nothing.

I finally break free from Pansy and make my way over to the snack table and help myself to a drink of Mrs. Parkinson's famous Christmas punch. I begin to drink cautiously, taking in my surroundings and suddenly stop. I notice Pansy's parents huddled together whispering frantically. I was filled with curiosity so I edged over and hid myself behind the Christmas tree and listened in on their conversation. Just as I guessed they were talking about me... And Pansy.

"I just don't think he's right for her, Richard, not right at all." Mrs. Parkinson hissed.

"Why not he's a wealthy boy well groomed and beautifully brought up." Mr. Parkinson argued.

"By a death eater."

"There's nothing wrong with that, he's not one."

"You never know. I think there's something funny about that boy."

"What? What's so funny about young Draco Malfoy, Penny?"

"I don't know! He just seems different... Kind of out of it."

"Maybe he's just tired it's been pretty full on since he arrived and he leaves just before the New Year."

"Yeah... Maybe that's it."

"Of course that's it, Penny. Just drop it, ok?"

"Fine I'll drop it Richard but I can't say that I can shake off this feeling."

They hurried off and began talking to a couple who, in my opinion, looked like they had sticks shoved up their arses. I couldn't believe it. I didn't care that Mrs. Parkinson, Penny or whatever her name is, thought I was weird. I was annoyed that Pansy had given them the impression, or told them, that we were dating. Pansy and I a couple? It makes me sick just thinking about it. I stared at the stuffed Lion toy and thought of Harry. He's probably having a better time then me. Still I miss him and would much rather be with him then here with Pansy and that is a sure fact. I stared around the room and noticed that half, maybe all, of the guests were drunk. Then suddenly someone yelled out, "The punch has been spiked" and they all giggle childishly, not caring at all. I made a beeline to the punch and began pouring another drink. If I was going to survive this party any longer then I had to survive it in style...

Harry's POV 

Red. Green. Red. Green. Coincidence I think not. It's bloody Christmas again and already I want it to end. Still no word from Draco and it's been five days! But I can't blame him it would be a bit conspicuous if I received a letter from him, better to play it safe. I can't handle being separated from him for so long, it's killing me inside. Ron and Hermione think I'm just "down" about Sirius because it's the first Christmas since his death. Oh they don't know how wrong they are. Morons. I'm so annoyed though I set myself up to enjoy Christmas but instead I end up lounging round in self-pity, missing Draco and it's my own fault I told him to go. But what choice did I have? I'd be an over protective boyfriend if I didn't. All I can do is hope that he doesn't do anything stupid I mean he's with Pansy and all. ARGH I'm making it worse by getting all worked up. This is stupid he's not going to do anything; I'm just being paranoid... again.

Like I said Christmas is crap. But the presents were pretty good; Ron got me a book on the history of the Quidditch World Cup bloody brilliant for Ron (offensive I know but it's true), Hermione bought me a formal parchment and quill set, Mrs. Weasley sent me the usual Christmas care package and Hagrid sent me a box of chocolate frogs. But none of them could top the gift Draco gave me; we swapped gifts the night before he left. It was raining and absolutely cold in the tower but we found ways to keep warm. I closed my eyes and thought of the night again, for the fifth time today...

Draco shivered and pulled out a red wrapped gift, with gold ribbon, and placed in my lap, planting a neat kiss on my cheek. I smiled and pulled out his, wrapped in green with silver ribbon. We opened them together and a hush of silence fell upon the room as we gazed at them. Draco had given me a pair of silk red boxers, a gold bracelet with the words "I am yours" engraved on it and a gold chain with a lion pendent on it.

Draco beamed at me and smiled at his own present; a pair of silk green boxers (coincidence), a fancy gold eagle quill and silver chain with a serpent on it (we agreed on the chain's). Draco lunged forward and kissed me.

"Thanks." He said pushing my hair back.

"No worries... And thanks too. They're brilliant." I replied returning the kiss.

It wasn't long before the room was filled with groans of pleasure and quite frankly I'd say it was better then ever before, partly because we knew we wouldn't be seeing each other for ten days, maybe more. We made the most of the little time we had left together.

"Harry!"

I snapped back to life and looked up to see Ron and Hermione staring down at me.

"Are you coming or not?" Ron asked and I stared at them blankly.

"Coming where?" I replied sitting up straighter.

"To the Christmas dinner." Hermione replied sternly and I shook my head.

"I'm not that hungry. I think I'll skip it."

"But Harry you've gotta come they're always good. Come on come with Hermione and I."

"No Ron! Besides I'm tired... I'll see you in the morning."

I jumped to my feet and headed off up the stairs and stopped, listening to their voices.

"What's wrong with him anyway."

"Dunno maybe it's got something to do with all the midnight strolls he's been going on lately."

"We really should ask him about that Ron."

"No! It's his business. If he was our true friend he'd tell us in his own time."

I heard them leave so I continued up to the dormitory and flopped down on the bed. I found myself wondering what Draco was up to, surley better then this...

Draco's POV 

The music had drowned me and the drinks had drowned my senses. I found myself in the middle of the "dance floor", famously known as the living room, dancing the night away. Sweat was dripping down my face and my shirt had stuck to my back. I pushed back my hair and gazed around the room. Suddenly I spotted Harry and ushered him over and wrapped my hands around his waist. He wrapped his hands around m neck and we began to move our bodies to the fast beat. Harry ran his hands down my chest and planted a kiss on my lips. And there we stood, in the middle of the "dance floor", massaging each other's tongues. He pulled away and wrapped his hands around my neck once more and pulled me closer.

"I want you now, Draco. Take me now."

I smirked at him and he led me off the "dance floor" and up the stairs. We rushed into an empty room that I swear I'd seen before. He shoved me down and began to kiss me ferociously. We pulled our clothes off and climbed into the bed together rapidly kissing each other. I slid his legs apart and in the haziness I slid into position and began thrusting myself inside off him. I could hear him moan and beg me to go faster- I obeyed and felt as if I was going to explode. Soon enough I did and collapsed on top of him. He manoeuvred himself on top of me and began to move himself quickly causing me a large amount of pleasure. I opened my eyes and my vision became very hazy. Harry moved in and kissed me and suddenly there was two of him, I was beginning to see double of him. I blinked a couple of times and watched as the two Harry's merged into one and became Pansy. I blinked again but Harry wouldn't come back. I felt a sick feeling in my stomach but before I could do anything the room became black.

My head throbbed. More then anything else in the world I wanted to drown in a pool of ice. I closed my eyes trying to recall the night before... I remember seeing Harry and coming upstairs with him but then he was gone and, and Pansy was there instead... I didn't understand. I felt something resting against my chest and looked down. I almost jumped out of my skin. Pansy Parkinson was laying, naked, next to me with her arm draped across my chest. I felt a sick feeling develop in my stomach and slid my hand down and shudder, I was naked too. What the fuck have I done?

I shoved Pansy until she woke up and peered up at me.

"Morning Draco." She whispered and moved up to kiss me. I tilted my head back and stared at her.

"What the hell happened?" I demanded and she giggled, "This isn't funny Pansy... Please don't tell me we... we..."

"We fucked." She finished for me and I closed my eyes.

"Are you serious."

"Oh yeah and I gotta tell ya Draco it was something. I never felt so good in my life."

I brushed her off me and jumped out the bed, once again exposing myself to her. I began pacing the room.

"This isn't happening"

"Oh it is."

I stopped and looked at her, she was eying me up and down and I began to get dressed.

"Oh please Draco, it's not like I haven't seen it all before."

I glared at her and did up my fly and pulled on my shirt.

"This isn't happening."

"Will you stop saying that! You sound like you regret it or something."

I looked at her eyes began swimming with tears.

"You regret it don't you Draco?"

"I'm sorry Pansy but I... I... I was drunk I didn't know what I was doing and I'm... I'm in love with someone else ok. You meant nothing to me, you're just another notch on the belt."

"Fuck you."

"Come on as if you didn't see this coming. You've wanted this for ages and you know I haven't."

"Last night it seemed like you did... You even said you loved me."

"I thought you were someone else!"

"Who! Who Draco? Who did you think I was?"

"I thought you were Harry!"

I stopped realising what I had just said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You said you thought I was Harry."

I opened the door and stared back at her, she had her eyebrows raised in disbelief. I closed the door and leant against it breathing heavily. Fucking brilliant. I've fucked everything up.

**disclaimer**: Lucky little J.K Rowling owns everything and anything to do with Harry Potter, doesn't it just sadden you. But we owe her heaps cus without her there'd be no Harry/Draco could you imagine that! I world without Harry/Draco- the pain, the torture! LOL. The song fic at the beginning belongs to Christina Aguilera's song "Walk Away" my fav song of hers.

**Until next time**

L.E 


	7. Here Without You

**-Chapter Seven-**

**-Here Without You-**

_A hundred days have made me older_

_since the last time that I saw your pretty face._

A thousand lies have made me colder 

_and I don't think I can look at this the same._

_And all the miles that separate_

_disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face._

_I'm here without you baby_

_but you're still on my lonely mind._

_I think about you baby_

_and I dream about you all the time._

_I'm here without you baby_

_but you're still with me in my dreams._

_And tonight, it's only you and me._

**Draco's POV:**

I cannot bare the light of day. Its tormenting ray of life squirms beneath my skin. But I'm dark inside... I'm always dark inside. I've noticed something about myself, I always seem to destroy the perfect things in my life. I have a love, a love that makes me happy and smile once again, but now I fear I'm going to loose it all thanks to my stupid mistake. I wish I didn't go with Pansy. Speaking of Pansy; she's finally decided to give me "the silent treatment". I think it has something to do with the fact that she thinks I'm a fucking asshole and a "male slut". My finest hour, my happiest days are born now that Pansy has decided not to acknowledge my existence. Although something stirs inside, deep inside. Something knows she's up to something. It's all got to do with the way she looks at me, her eyes glistening and occasionally smirking- I can't help but notice she smirks somewhat broader whenever Harry Potter and I are in the same room together. I say grow up Pansy, now is not the time for juvenile immaturity.

Paranoia sweeps over me, piercing my skin and feelings. I'm paranoid. Everywhere I go it seems that someone is whispering quietly behind my back. It's like I'm walking round with a huge sign on my back or something. I don't know what's wrong with me I haven't slept since Pansy and I got back, because everytime I close my eyes I slowly die inside. I fear for Harry and I, we seem to fading, I can't bring myself to tell him about Pansy for I know it will just break his heart as much as it breaks mine. Possibility of forgiveness weighs on my mind but I know there's only a slim chance; the famous Harry Potter can be quite stubborn sometimes forgivness is nearly always impossible with him.

I seek to push everything away but it always finds a way back inside. I mean I haven't thought of my father for a while and yet now he's all I ever think about. Just the same old wonders- has he changed? Will he ever change? Can I ever bring myself to stop hating myself because I know that I can't hate him? Will I stop cutting myself over him? Simple things that keep me guessing. I know I can't stop cutting, I've become addicted, it's an everyday habit. I feel so trapped that all I want to do is break free, but every door is locked and I can't escape.

I can't breathe. I can't sleep. I need answers. I need the truth. I need Harry.

The lanterns flicker slightly and Professor McGonagall addresses us in her orderly fashion. She alls each of our names, mine before Harry's with a slight pause in between. Pansy eyes me and smirks. And that is it, the last straw with her. If she's going to ignore, then she should learn to do it properly. I don't need pathetic, childish behaviour right now.

I heave a sigh of relief when we put to work, transfiguring the usual crap. Harry gives it all his best shot and succeeds with a round of applause from Mudblood and Weasel, pathetic. I can't be bothered, it's all a waste of my life. Pansy gives up and eyes me. I roll my eyes and tilt back on my chair. But it useless she's already coming over and before I rest my chair back down she's sitting next to me with her fucking chest pressed out as a far as it can go. Even though se knows I don't care for her breasts she still insists on them being in my face.

"I know all about you Draco Malfoy." She whispers, flipping her braided hair over her shoulder.

"Cut the crap Pansy. You and I both know what you know about me so why don't you just tell me what it is that you want." I hiss and she rests her hand high up on my thigh.

"You and I both know what it is that I want." She whispers edging forward and I roll my eyes.

"Pansy get a hold of yourself we're in a fucking classroom with fucking people and you're trying to seduce me. Talk about 'slut'." I hiss and push her back.

I look around the class lazily and notice Harry watching us nervously. He's edgy and hates Pansy enough already. This is enough t drive him crazy, I could just imagine what he'd be like if I told him Pansy and I slept together.

"I see your boyfriend is jealous. Have you told him about us?" She asks, casually leaning back on her chair.

"What us? There is no us and there never will be. I love him, not you." I reply and she narrows her eyes.

"So you haven't told him about what when on at my house over Christmas?"

"He doesn't need to know, it'll only hurt him."

"Draco he's your boyfriend and you were unfaithful. He has a right to know. I think I should tell him."

"If you do that I will seriously kill you. Don't underestimate me, Pansy."

"Ok so you'd rather I tell your father instead."

I feel the colour drain from my face. I wouldn't time to kill Pansy if she told my father, he'd be to busy killing me. I glare at Pansy.

"You wouldn't"

"Oh yes I would, you see we had your father up for dinner after you left. We got along just fine. He seems to have taken a shine to me, so I think he wouldn't mind if I told him. Though I daresay he'd be extremely mad."

"You have no idea what you would do if you told him."

"So..."

"So what"

"You know what you have to do"

I glance up at Harry and we stare at each other til the bell rings. It feels like he already knows. I have to tell him, he'd rather hear it from me.

It's exactly midnight when Harry comes up the stairs. I however have been here for almost two hours. Just going over and over what I'm going to say. Harry embraces me but I do not embrace him back.

"Something's wrong, Draco. Just tell me what it is." He asks and we grab his hand and lead him over to the window.

I gaze up at the sky and heave a heavy sigh.

"I used to think that the stars were the maps of ours lives." I whisper and Harry gazed up towards the stars.

"I wish I could change my stars, then. Make them somewhat different. Then I'd be different too." He replied and I turned to look at him.

"I love you, you know that right." I say looking at him closely.

"Yes." He replied and growing slightly worried.

"And you know I would never do anything to hurt you, right?" I continue and Harry nods.

"What's this all about? You've been acting weird lately. I just don't know what to do. The other night when we together you didn't seem like yourself. You didn't try as hard as you usually did."

"I slept with Pansy."

He look taken back and my heart shatters. His fill with tears and I die inside.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said: I slept with Pansy."

He takes his hand away from mine and edges to the centre of the room.

"Why? Why would you do something like that?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know. God Draco were talking about sex here and the last time I checked that's a type of cheating."

"I KNOW. But I don't know why I did it."

"Try to explain so maybe I can understand a bit better, because right now I don't know what to think."

He breathes heavily and I slump to the floor and my body begins to shudder and I cry. I hear his footsteps coming towards me and he sits down next to me. I look up to see his face stained with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Harry."

"Why."

"I just don't know what happened. I had drunk too much and wasn't really myself. And then I saw Pansy, only t wasn't Pansy. I know this is going to sound stupid but I could of sworn that Pansy was you, she looked just like you. I was idiot."

"You were drunk. That's no excuse."

"I know, I know"

"Then what happened."

"We started to dance together and then I kissed her. I don't know why I did, I mean like I said she looked like you. We went up stairs and well... We fucked."

Harry nodded slightly and I leaned back.

"I'm so sorry."

"I can't do this."

"What?"

"This, us. Not anymore."

"So you've made up your mind, just like that. You don't want to be with me anymore."

"Exactly."

"Harry I love you."

"You love to be loved. You're not loved at home so you leech on to anything and anyone who can replace that. You're not a lover or a boyfriend, you're a leech and you live of other people's care and love because you can't get any at home!"

"That's not fair Harry. I do love you and it's not my fault that my father hates me. I didn't ask for it."

"Maybe you should have just done what he wanted you to."

"What? Become a death eater, join something I'm against. Fight with for someone I despise. Harry do you honestly want me to be on the same side as the man who murdered your parents, the same side responsible for your godfathers death!?"

"You leave them out of it!"

"Oh I get it now. It's ok for you to bring up my family. But it's not ok for me to bring up yours."

"Shut the fuck up, Draco."

"Make me. Harry I can't make you love me. But I know that I love you and I always will. I hope that maybe one day you'll realise that you love me too."

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't. But all I know is that right now I don't ever want to see you again."

His yelling echoes of the walls and tears stream down my face.

"So this it then. We're finished."

"Goodbye Draco."

I open my mouth so say something but he left. I heard his footsteps echo of the walls as he ran down the stairs. I've lost everything. Like I always do. I wipe my eyes and head down the stairs and back to the common room. I open the door, walk inside and flop down lazily in an armchair. I close my eyes and try to block him out. But it's impossible, my love overpowers my will and I'm helpless. I hear someone coming down the chairs and when I open my eyes I see Pansy standing in front of me clad in only her bra and underwear.

"Did you do it." She asked straddling my thighs and tugging my tie.

"No." I replied and she narrowed her eyes as I continued. "He did."

"Oh."

I opened my mouth to say something but Pansy grasped the moment and stuck her tongue down my throat. I shoved her off and she glared at me.

"You do remember what we talked about, right?"

"Yes."

She unclipped her bra and slid off her underwear, so that she was standing completely naked.

"Please me."

"Wouldn't you rather someone who actually wants you in this way. Wouldn't that make you happier."

"I'd be happy with you." She said pulling me to the ground as she continued. "I want you."

Sighing deeply I let her undress me with satisfaction and shove me to the ground. He began to kiss me up and down my body until she was ready. I knew this would be the first of many times to come where I'd be in this same situation. I rolled over on top of her and spread her legs apart. She looked into my eyes knowingly realising that I don't want to do this. She grabs my hips and pulls me closer so that her mouth next to my ear so that she could whisper...

"Fuck me Draco."

I lean in to kiss her and stop. It's not worth it. I don't have Harry anymore and she'll surely tell my father if I walk away. He will kill me for it. Life isn't worth living without him.

I walk away.

_And everything I know,_

_and anywhere I go_

_It gets hard but it won't take away my love._

_And when the last one falls,_

_and when it's all said and done_

_It gets hard but it won't take away my love._

_I'm here without you baby_

_but you're still on my lonely mind_

_I think about you baby_

_and i dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby_

_but you're still with me in my dreams_

_And tonight girl, it's only you and me_

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, absolutely nothing Harry Potter related it all belongs to the wonderful mind of J.K Rowling. The song used is called Here Without You by 3 Doors Down.

Until Next Time 

**L.E**


	8. Lost Hurt Together

- Chapter Eight -

_**A/n: **__Hey, hey. OK so its been like possibly a year since I last got my butt together and updated this… Writers block sucks balls, as does mass amount of uni work :( but alas it finally came to me ( while I was working on my Twilight fic but that's not the point … ) so here it is: chapter eight…. Its all making sense to me nowso hopefully within the next month I can get this FINISHED!! JOY._

**- Chapter Eight -**

**- Lost. Hurt. Together. -**

**Draco's POV**

"_When you try your best._

_But you don't succeed._

_When you get what you want._

_But not what you need._

_When you feel so tired._

_But you can't sleep._

_Stuck in reverse…"_

Three months pass me by and I am surprised I am alive. I suspected Pansy would notify my father as soon as her clothes were back where they belong.

Nothing.

No word. No visit. No death. I am alive, when I should be dead.

I've toyed with the idea of telling him myself. Somehow I think I'm too much of coward to ever end my own life, why not give him the pleasure? For ruining something so pure, I do not belong here.

I stare at him. His eyes, once so full of life, empty and black. He's lost weight, he's lost life. I am a murderer. I am. I.

He catches my eye. I fight the urge to cry, to scream, to rush at him and take every part of him in my arms. All I've ever longed to do is take away everything that is killing him, so I must go too. His trusty, notice everything, friend Hermione stares at me as if finally understanding exactly what she's missed.

It's over.

I cannot continue to kid myself anymore, to play these games with myself. I cling to the small hope that he loves me, that he will belong only to me. I hope.

Losing my appetite I leave the Great Hall. I feel his eyes on me, I know he watches. That's all he ever does. Watch. I break through the entrance hall and rush down the steps. I lose track of where my feet carry me until I find myself at the edge of the glistening lake. I fall to the floor, convulsing in my pain, writhing in my insanity. How could I push him away? It's so clear that all we need is each other. It seems like hours that I am by the lake, staring away from anything and everything.

I can only think of him. I can only dream of him. I long for him. I crave him. I need him in my arms, forever.

I fall asleep under the stars and his face falls into place behind my eyelids, and in the sweet escape of my rest I am where I need to be…

**Harry's POV**

"… _And the tears come streaming down your face._

_When you lose something._

_You can't replace._

_When you someone._

_But it goes to waste._

_Could it be worse? …"_

"_I could love you forever."_

_He smiles, taking my face in his hands and whispers. "I dare you to."_

"_I am yours."_

_His kiss is sweet, fulfilling bliss. I am home. There is nothing there but us lying, tangled in love. Bliss. Happiness. I trace the lines along his palm and plant a soft kiss in the centre. Our eyes lock, no word whispered there never is any need to. We understand each other perfectly. We are together. We are joined in our souls. We are destined for each other. Forever…_

"Harry!"

I feel myself trembling as my eyes open and everything swims into its place. Ron stands alone at my bedside smiling sheepishly.

"Mate, I'm not missing lunch."

I groan and roll over, pulling the covers over my head as I do so. "You can go without me."

I feel a heavy body land on me and suddenly I am on the floor underneath a ginger-haired

oaf.

"Get the fuck up, you know she'll kill me if you don't come. I already copped it for breakfast."

I didn't require further information, I already knew he was referring to Hermione whom I've been avoiding since this debacle started. She's too perceptive. I sighed and shoved Ron away and padded over to my trunk pulling out jeans and shirt combination.

"I'll meet you in the common room in five." I spat at Ron, who took that as his polite cue to leave.

Once dressed I slumped on my bed. The same dream had taken me. Toying with my mind, bewitching me into believing everything is as it should be. I stared at my ceiling, wondering how long it takes the human heart to mend. Is there a some form of potion I can take? Some kind of spell?

I heaved myself up and headed for the door. Another day without him.

Walking down the stairs I can hear their hushed, worried voices.

"It's not that simple Hermione. He doesn't talk about anything. You know what he's like. Secretive this, mind you business that."

"You are pathetic Ronald. Don't you see? He's suffering, he needs us. Even if he chooses not to tell us. We are his best friends, his family. I hate seeing him like this!"

"Oh and I do?! Herm… He won't talk. He's a mess. Crying in his sleep. Not eating. Spending hours wandering the castle, invisible. I am there as much as I can be. I just don't think it's something we should force out of him."

I'd had enough and stepped out of the shadowed last steps of the staircase.

I glared at the bewildered pair. "When you're done discussing my emotional state, I'd like to go to lunch." I walked to the door, they followed swiftly and we went to lunch in silence.

A wave of conversation travelled the Great Hall. Students discussed their hair, their clothes, their music, their life. Meaningless. I picked at my food, glad the prying eyes were occupied with Ginny and Seamus. It was then that I dared to look up, meeting those familiar cold silver eyes across the room. I couldn't look away, I was bound to him as he was to me. I shivered and suppressed any form of emotion brewing under the surface. I would not let him win.

I watched him leave. Like he always would.

I stared at my plate contemplating eating, contemplating throwing it in anyone's face. I needed something, I needed closure. Hermione was watching me, I met her knowing gaze and glared until I was ashamed of myself.

And so I fled. Like I always would.

**Draco's POV**

"… _Lights will guide you home._

_And ignite your bones._

_And I will try to fix you…"_

"_If you could be any animal what would you be?"_

_I watched his eyebrows crease in thought. And he smiled at me._

"_I'd be a bird. But I don't know what kind of bird."_

_I laughed and pulled him closer. "Why a bird?"_

"_Well they're explorers aren't they? Always off and about flying about the world seeing everything there is to see. So inquisitive and eager. I'd want to go everywhere. Feel everything."_

"_Let's do it."_

"_We can't just leave!"_

"_Why? What holds us here?"_

"_Draco, be serious."_

"_I am. I dare you to explore the world with me."_

_He bit his lip, debating the sincerity in my voice. I took the opportunity to kiss his soft, lovely lips. "Come with me. I'll never let you go."_

_I held out my hand to him and he placed his in mine._

"_I'll be wherever you are…"_

I awoke with a start, wary at first. Knowledge waved through me. The lake, suddenly not so peaceful, gleamed eerily in the darkness. I heaved myself to my feet and trudged towards the castle.

Another dream had plagued me. Reminding me of what was gone, of what would never come back to me. I hated every part of my subconscious.

I found my way down the dungeons towards my common room when she emerged from the shadows. I just about fainted.

"I know what you think me Draco Malfoy. I know how you feel." She sighed and came towards me, fear rippled my body. "But I see the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. I'm not stupid. I know you're behind his sudden depression, so you can be the cure."

"You don't know what you're talking about. It's not that simple." I glanced at the ceiling, ashamed to meet her judgmental eyes.

"You love him don't you?"

"Of course."

"He loves you."

"Heaven knows why. After everything, he shouldn't, he couldn't."

"He cries in his sleep. Did you know he's not eating? That he spends so much of his time being invisible."

I felt my soul break. Hermione walked closer to me smiling.

"It hasn't been easy for me either."

"Of course."

"You don't know the first of it."

"I know enough. I know what's between you is powerful."

"You can't begin to understand. We are tied to one another, in every possible way."

"He needs you Draco."

"Like I need him."

"Go to him."

"I wouldn't know the first thing to say."

"Draco. Sometimes that's the only way. To go unprepared. To let your emotions do the talking for you both. It will come. For both of you."

She held my shoulder and smiled once more and began to walk away.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Why have you done this?"

She stood there smiling, and sighed. "Because I know he has to have you. I know that you must be an amazing soul, Draco. He would only love the greatest person. He never settles for anything or anyone. Because he is my brother, in every sense of the word. Because I cannot bare to look at the hurt and accusation in his eyes anymore. Because I know you can heal him."

I stared after her as she left and watched dim light slowly appear up the stairs. I felt warm. For the first time in months the hope was no longer a game, but rather a possibility.

**Harry's POV**

"… _And high up above._

_Or down below._

_When you're too in love to let it go._

_But if you never try._

_You'll never know._

_Just what your worth…"_

I wandered the bright corridor, watching the students around me laughing and smiling. They didn't know what love was. They didn't know a passion so strong that every part of your body ached to act on it.

Hermione took my hand and smiled at me.

"I know this will work out."

I stared at her, shocked and fearful. She laughed and took me into the nearest classroom.

"Hermione, I don't know what you're doing but I want it to stop. I'm not ready."

"Harry. I know about Draco."

The world froze.

All that existed was this statement, hovering the air between us. I felt glued. I couldn't find the right muscles to open my mouth, to even work my brain. Hermione sat on a desk and ushered me to take a place next to her. I didn't know what was going on but I found myself next to a cross-legged Hermione waiting for me to unleash everything.

"Harry. It doesn't have to be this way."

"How could you know how is should be?"

"You love him."

"It doesn't matter. It's too late now."

"I don't believe that. And neither do you. I see you watch him. I can see you hurting every time he walks away."

"I just…"

"Just what?"

"I don't know if I can go down that road. I don't know if I know how to find it anymore."

"You'll always know the way, Harry. Always. I do not doubt that he loves you. That he is hurting in every way thatyou are. You know I'm right."

"I don't know what to do. I wouldn't know what to say."

"Harry. Life throws us some bloody awful situations but we always find a way through them. I believe this is one for you and when the time comes you'll know what to do, what to say."

"You believe that?"

"I know that."

Silence engulfed us and I stared out the window at grounds below us. She was right, dammit she was always right. I needed him, more then anything. Walking away was the worst, stupid mistake of my life. I hold onto every memory of him. I follow his every move. I am hooked. I am tied. I am in love.

"Hermione. I. I don't know what to say…"

"Don't say anything. Go find him and right this."

I wrapped my arms around her smiling in her hair. She took every part of her and gave me strength I could never find on my own. I jumped down from the desk and fled through the door.

I blinked continuously but the image never vanished. I wasn't dreaming this time. I was awake. Alive and ready for everything I needed.

I rounded the corner and saw him appear at the top of the stairs. Our eyes locked. We were stuck to one another.

**Draco's POV**

"… _Lights will guide you home._

_And ignite your bones._

_And I will try to fix you…"_

I stared after Hermione's tracks and fought against every part of me that battled the realisation. I needed him. He needed me. There was no point to delaying any further. I raced up the stairs and began my castle search. He could be anywhere, invisible, hiding.

I rushed to our tower, assuming he'd be there. Wishing he held on to the memories that we held there.

I reached the bottom of the stairs and began taking them two at a time. So eager. So joyful. At last I reached the top.

"Harry?"

I waited, scanning the room.

Nothing.

"Harry, if you're here please. Please show yourself. I'm sorry. We need to talk. Please take the cloak off."

I waited again.

Nothing.

I tried not to let it hurt me. There could be thousands of reasons why he was not in our tower. Millions even. I walked to the nearest window and gazed out. The sun had completed it's rise now and I found myself remembering morning's we shared here:

"_Did you know that I have been waiting my whole life for you."_

"_I've been waiting for you too."_

_I gazed at him, staring into his beautiful, green eyes. I found myself lost._

"_You are more beautiful than anything I could have hoped for"_

_He flushed a deep scarlet, embarrassed by my words? He traced my cheekbones trailing his fingers down to my lips._

"_Draco. You don't need to tell me anything like that. We are together. We are as we should be. I know you love me. I know I love you. I don't need to know anything else."_

"_The sun is rising."_

_We gazed out the window, our hands finding each other and clasping tightly. Our gaze shifted from the sky to each other. We stared for what seemed like hours til our lips met, centimetres apart._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you."_

_Our lips touched, delicately, softly. Our hands still clasped together. Our bodies pressed tightly against one another. Our kiss grew more passionate until we had to break away for air. He stared out the window and smiled._

"_A new day."_

"_Another day spent with you…"_

I stared at the ground where we had laid together, tangled and merged. I edged to the stairs and began to quickly descend down them reaching the landing once again. I headed off again, wondering where he could be.

I found myself running up a flight of stairs, not knowing where I am. I reached the top landing. I saw him come round the corner. Our eyes locked. We were stuck to one another.

**Harry's POV**

"… _Tears stream. Down on your face._

_When you lose something you cannot replace._

_Tears stream. Down on your face._

_Tears stream. Down on your face._

_I promised you I will learn from my mistakes._

_Tears stream. Down on your face…"_

We rush at each other, stopping centimetres from each other.

"I've made so many mistakes in my life, Harry. But meeting you will never be one of them. I cannot be without you. We cannot be without each other, we've tried. Our souls belong together. You feel it as strongly as I do. I know you do."

I watched the pain contort his beautiful face and raised my hand to stroke his cheek.

"Draco, you know you don't have to say anything to me. You love me. I know that, remember? Just like I love you."

"I've been such an idiot. I never should've gone to that stupid party. I knew the punch was spiked. I knew I was getting drunk. I let it happen."

"It's in the past now."

"Just like that."

I took his hands in mine. "Just like that."

"You don't hate me?"

"Draco, my love. How could I ever hate you? When you complete me like no one ever could."

"I dare you to come away with me."

"I dare you to love me."

"I don't need to be dared."

"Neither do I."

Our eyes met. Hours seemed to pass to us, what were really seconds and I find myself leaning to him, as he is to me.

"I could love you forever."

"I dare you to."

Our lips meet. His arms hold me just how I remember them too. Our lips move together, oblivious to the students milling around us horror struck and bewildered. But none of that mattered now. We had each other. I had my one need fulfilled. I had him.

And that's all we could ever need.

"… _Lights will guide you home._

_And ignite your bones._

_And I will try to fix you…"_

_**DISCLAIMER: **__I own nothing. Absolutely nothing Harry Potter related that honour lies with J K ROWLING and her alone. I borrowed Coldplay's "Fix You" lyrics. I think they fit quite nicely, thanky to COLDPLAY and ROWLING… I love them both. _

Until Next Time…

_**L. E**_


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